A climbers journey towards Realization
@ Hauktjern crag!
The rock was dry, a little cold in the shade, but in the sun around 1-2ish in the afternoon should be just about perfect. I am stoked! Now I just need to find someone to schlep up there to climb with me.
And I got the topos for Lofoten and Stetind, and thumbing through those did nothing to reduce the growing excitement. Simply cannot wait to go climbing again!!
Been a while since my last post again. Nothing much of note has happened. I am going to school learning project management 5 days a week, so there has been little time and energy for climbing. And after the big trip I feel even less motivated for indoor climbing than ever before. Training has been progressing well though, and I am stronger than I have ever been right now, and still improving noticeably from week to week.
I have done less cardio than previous years, adjusted my diet to include more vegetables to make sure I get my nutrition on. 
My home juicer has been taking a beating juicing everything from the standard apples to heavier and harder stuff like beets, ginger, carrots, etc. I feel healthier and my energy levels are up. I think there is something there…
As for strength training I have been doing all bodyweight resistance training. The likes of push ups, planks, squats, shoulder presses (scary stuff when you’re getting tired) and isometric explosive exercises to recruit as much “fiber” as possible. strength gains have been nothing short of phenomenal, all though it should probably be said the starting point was pretty miserable. The main reason for chosing body weight resistance training is the core benefit. Every single exercise strengthens my core in addition to the particular antagonist muscle groups targeted. Browsing now for a pull up bar to add some climbing relevant training to the repertoire. I am sure this focus on core muscles will pay off in my climbing this season.
I did some running, but asphalt running returned my old knee problems, so I scrapped that and have started cycling instead. Being a bony guy deep inside, I doubt I will put up much dead weight in my thighs with the training levels I am doing.
Tomorrow is earmarked for a trip to Hauktjern to check the conditions. I was at Skullerud on sunday, and the rock was dry there, so I am hopeful the outdoor season is just a partner away. I miss Gorm…
If you’re in the area and need a partner: I got stupid amounts of gear, will travel. Nuff said.
And I’m getting really excited now. I will a great season into existence. 
Sometimes I make excuses. I think it is pretty universal. Excuses for doing things you shouldn’t do. Excuses why things are not your fault. Excuses for not doing what you should. I’ve been doing it a fair bit lately. Excuses for not working out. Excuses for spending more money than I have. Excuses for being less than I can be. Less than I should be. And certainly less than I want to be.
Sometimes I have doubts. Doubts about my strength. Doubts about my potential. Doubts about my motivation and my resolve. Doubts about my ability to create this life that I want to lead. I think this too, is pretty universal. That most people experience these doubts and more, from time to time. Some more than others. I have no statistics, but I believe it is so.
So what can you do? What can you do when the excuses pile up, and the doubts pull you down? What can you do when you feel like giving up, like it is hopeless? And don’t worry, I’m not talking about life in general. Just the life I would prefer to lead. The life I want. The climbers life.
I have made mistakes. I have accepted some silly excuses. I have let doubts grow into insecurities. And recently it has felt like it is slipping away.
But it wont slip away. I am standing up to myself. I am standing up for myself. I am standing with myself. I will lead my climbers life. Period.
What I am doing is hard. For some it probably comes easy. But for me it is most certainly not. What is easy for me is the ordinary life. Immersing myself in a my job, playing computer games, going out for drinks, watching football games, wife, kids and a station wagon if I’m “lucky”. But I don’t want that. A lot of people want that. There is nothing wrong with wanting that. Just 5 years ago I thought I wanted that. But now, there is no greater fear in my mind than going back to that life. It feels kinda like dying, little by little, day by day.
I don’t need much to show for my life. I don’t need any glorious first ascents, I don’t need to climb 5.15, or summit K2. But I need to give it my all. And if my all includes 5.15 then I need it. If it is 5.11, I need 5.11. What I really need is the challenge. The struggle to get better. The reward of knowing I found my limits.
Climbing is my greatest joy. The trip showed me without a doubt, that I want nothing more. So why does it feel like too much?
Right now my finances are the major worry. If I don’t have any money, and I am worried I wont make enough by summer to do the things I want to do this summer. Can I work hard for another full year without the reward of great adventure? I am spoiled now. Great expectations and all that.
See? Excuses, doubts, insecurities, fears, worry. Hard work to get through it. But I am getting through it. I will it so.
After I got home from my trip I have gone through 4 of the 5 stages of grief. Denial, anger, depression and finally in the last few days, acceptance. It has taken a good month, but I feel ready to get back on the program. And looking forward to epic adventures in 2012 as well.
I have accepted that the 5 year plan is probably not as useful anymore. Time is out and I am not really making great progress either. There are several reasons for this, and chief among them are probably my starting point (not skill but physical condition), lack of year round focus and my latest discovery: Variety is the spice of life.
Variety is the spice of life. And climbing. My trip has thought me that while I really do enjoy good sport climbing, I equally enjoy good trad climbing. And perhaps what I like the most are long and exposed trad routes. Not necessarily the most challenging technically, but those that challenge my head, my resolve, my stamina and reward me with pride of accomplishment in a more profound way than sticking a few hard moves ever will. And then there are the views and being close to nature.
I will still climb a lot of sport. I have several destinations in mind for the future that I am very excited about. Like the Red River Gorge, Kalymnos and a return to the Homestead and Queen Creek in Arizona. But 2012 will be epic for trad. A couple of months in Lofoten again, with the high point ( hopefully) being a free ascent of Sydpillaren on Stetind.
I will probably not improve a lot on my sports climbing in 2012, but I certainly aim to step it up several notches in the trad realm. So when spring comes, the snow goes, and Gorm returns from the frozen north, we will be climbing trad. Kolsås, Andersnatten and Nissedal will be thoroughly explored now that I have a big ole rack for anything but the widest stuff. Perhaps Nigel will bring some wicked big cams along when he arrives from Canada? I hope so.
But for now I am unemployed and penniless and the focus will be getting in as good a shape as I can while looking for a job. The snow has arrived so skiing will be a great cardio source, and I still have my gym membership, so there will be strength straining as well. Everything is in place for another great winter of physical improvement. And when spring arrives I will translate that into better performance on the wall.
So there it is. I might have to change the name of the blog, but it will still be about my journey towards my very own limits in climbing. A climbers journey towards realization is still accurate in that sense.
A bit of shifty weather and the the terrible road up to The Homestead made us consider moving along. A friend of ours had told me about Mt Lemon. It was all hearsay tho, friends of his enjoying it. I didn’t ask many questions, just registered that it was granite sportsclimbing. Seemed right up my alley, so I convinced Nigel and we set off for Tuscon.
Camping was good at Molino Basin Campground, and the weather was great. First day we drove around exploring a little bit, checking out the spot we had a mini topo for, called Windy Point. There were really cool formations, but I was not too stoked, as it looked a lot like Joshua Tree…
Second day we went to check out a place called The Hairpin. At the parking lot we met a grizzled old veteran climber. He could tell us that The Hairpin offered the worst rock on Mt Lemon. We decided to brave it anyway. Got on what we thought were a 5.7 and a 5.8. A couple of local climbers came by and told us these routes were not even in the topo. But at least the routes felt like the grades we thought they were. Then we went and climbed the 5.8 we thought we already climbed. Around the corner there were supposed to be a few climbs in the 5.8 to 5.10a range. But the topo turned out to be absolutely useless. No pictures of the climbs, no descriptions, and tons of routes on the wall not in the topo. So it turned out to be impossible to determine which climbs where which. Either way I got on a steep and thin route that looked interesting. But I stalled out and couldn’t make it up from the 2nd bolt. Managed to get the draws off and bail without leaving gear. Just too thin and too hard for me. Nigel not stoked about the climbing here so he left it alone and we called it a day.
Windy Point turned out to be a huge disappointment. While the rock looks cool, it seemed like an area suited more for stronger climbers than me, and none of the routes we looked at inspired us. I got on a 5.9 and couldn’t get passed the first bolt. Nothing I could use. Nigel managed to get through it with one hang.
A little more looking around and feeling the stoke diminish from moment to moment, we got the hell out of there. Packed up our stuff and drove off Mt Lemon. We stopped at Coffee X Change and checked weather. It was disheartening news. Cold and rain and snow everywhere we checked. I proposed we try to get a couple of days in at Queen Creek and holing up in a motel in Phoenix for a few days if the forecast was correct. My proposal was approved and we hit the road.
Dinner at In N Out burger turned out to be a marvelous discovery. Best fast food burger ever, by a good margin. Free camping at Oak Flats outside of Superior was good too.
We didn’t have the highest expectations for Queen Creek. The rock is Tuff, and I was not stoked on Smith Tuff, but thought we might give it a try. And it turned out to be excellent. Not like Smith at all. More pure rock, no pebbles sticking out. Just patterns, ledges, pockets, etc in the reddish rock.
I got on a 5.6 called Fat boy goes to the pond. I felt it was a fitting first route. It was easy, but good. Very enjoyable. Nigel did short work of it before I surprised myself by getting on a steep 5.8. I thought I was going to fall every move until the third bolt when the angle eased off. I was pumped out of my mind, but because of the runouts I had no choice but to continue to the next bolt. And in the end I just kept going to the chains. Apart from The Homestead, this was the best climbing experience since way back. Absolutely stellar for a 5.8. And just the kind of route I need to be climbing. Steep and pumpy. Good for strength and footwork.
Nigel cruised it and we both climbed an unknown route next to it, really hard bouldery start fro me, but chill after that. Probably 5.8ish.
Then for the main event. A gloriously steep 5.10a. Bouldery overhanging start followed by a long vertical plus section, before an overhanging bulge before the top slab. All pockets, all pumpy as hell. It is called “Pocket Puzzle” and it is aptly named. Pockets everywhere, but just a select few are useful.
Nigel roped up and went for it. Climbing quickly and efficiently he got through it. Great climbing, good footwork, good use of rests and the will to push through the pump. It was really cool to see.
After a rest he gave me a catch on TR, and I flailed away and eventually managed to pull the moves on the bouldery start. Already pumped out of my mind I surprised myself by linking a few moves between hangs on the vertical plus part. A lot of hangs (some of them really long) later I reached the chains. So pumped I had trouble tying out of the rope. But pretty damn happy. Working through a route like this is just what I want. Something that is within my abilities, but requires me to work it to get the sequences down to send.
Pumped out, we decided to call it a great day of climbing after the disappointments of Mt Lemon.
Forecast looked menacing so we headed into Mesa near Phoenix and got a motel, where we are holed up now waiting for the forecast to improve. Tomorrow looks promising so it will probably mean heading back to Queen Creek. Jacks Canyon was on our list, but it sems to be covered in snow and unavailable for a good long while. Too bad…
Arrived at The Homestead yesterday morning, and we tried 2 times to get Misty the Magic MPV up the dirt road with no success. Fortunately we met Kim, Craig and Tom with a good truck, and they gave us a ride up to the crag.
Limestone cliffs all over the place, and I tied in at the Welcome Wall. Onsight of a 5.7, 2 5.8′s and a 5.10b. Felt pretty damn good. One hang one one 5.10 and a fall on another means I have to come back and clean them up, but got through all the moves so that should be part of a good warm up before we head to another cliff to get Nigel on some 11′s.
Nigel did all the routes I did, plus another 10a and another 10b. Both where way to overhanging and crimpy for me, and I burned myself out completely trying to get through the crux of the 10b and skipped the last 10a entirely. But Nigel crushed!
It made me so damn happy to be able to push on at the limit of my ability on 3 of the routes I got on. And pulling awesome moves on this solid limestone. Super stoked. Rain last night and a low cloud cover made us roll out to Phoenix where we will catch a NHL hockey game tonight. Nigel is super stoked to see his Canucks play the Coyotes for only 21 bucks. In Vancouver tickets are around 200 dollars, so this is a treat we could not pass up.
Hopefully the weather around Globe will improve and we can work on getting Misty up to the crag and spend a few days ticking off all the moderates around, and get Nigel on something that will really challenge him. And who knows, maybe there are some more 10 onsights for me as well.
Things sure are looking up!
Sitting in a motel room in Globe, Arizona, and I can’t wait for the morning to come. The decision was made to head down to a place called The Homestead for some limestone sportsclimbing. We got a little topo pamphlet at the Arizona Hiking Shack in Phoenix, and if it is as good as people say on the interwebz, it should be absolutely stellar. Routes from 5.7 to the 14′s. Hopefully we will be able to puch into the 10′s and have tons to work on.
It is a little bit out of the way, so there might not be another update until we head out again. We also got topos for a place in Mount Lemon, and one other place whose name escapes me at the moment. But they all sounds good, so Arizona should have a lot to offer. And the temps are so much better here than in Joshua Tree so far.
And just maybe there is a NHL game for us on friday. The Phoenix Coyotes are playing Nigels Vancouver Canucks and tickets are only 21 bucks. We just might have to do it in spite of the 2+ hour drive from The Homestead to Glendale.
But man it feels good to be stoked again. I can’t wipe the smile off my face today!
Joshua Tree has been hard on me. Or maybe it isn’t Joshua Tree, but I don’t want to think too much about that just yet.
A couple of days where I have led a few routes, a 5.7, a 5.6 and a 5.4 slab sport, a 5.2, 5.3 an 2 5.4 trad routes have left me tired and a little sad. The lines that look good inspire me mostly with fear, and the routes that don’t have been pretty indifferent. It feels like I want to climb brilliant lines, but not be challenged. Not likely to happen much, and so The Bong (5.4) has been the only good lead of the trip.
I am tired of feeling bad for not enjoying my leads, and for not mustering up the stoke or courage for harder leads. I am tired of being blue and letting Nigel down. I have been a pretty crappy partner for our time in Joshua Tree, and for that I am sorry.
So like our good friend Matt would have said: Joshua Tree, I’m over it.
Tomorrow we’re headed out. Not sure where yet, but probably Arizona, or Red Rocks. And if our next destination doesn’t do it, I’m going to call it. Fingers crossed.
It’s been a while since my last update, and in the meantime I have gone from down in the dumps to a freakish high.
I spent a good day out bouldering with Nigel and Matt. I did 2 V1 problems and a few V0 problems. And I failed on one V0. One problem was a thin slab with the insecure crux move up towards the top. Scared the socks off me, particularly because there was a highstep that I had trouble getting high enough, and with only faint slopers for hands, it felt like I could pop off at any moment. My hands got sweaty too. Funny how that works. Good day though, and I got to send. And that felt good too.
The day after I put in a few hours exploring a formation in the Outback. A lot of chimneying got me almost to the top of the formation. I did so much of it that I actually feel a lot better about chimneys now. They feel secure. So a little breakthrough in that respect.
Then there was a day spent lounging around in the desert heat, before the big breakthrough.
Nigel and I went out to Hall of Horrors. The name alone scares me. Nigel led a 5.7, and I went up as second. And I felt scared even on TR. Makes no sense, and I don’t understand exactly what it is that scares me. But it can’t be falling. Maybe it is the thought of leading these routes that feel really insecure at times. But at least I got on it and got up it.
Next was a 5.8 sport route. Nigel led it, and I went on TR. Guess what? I didn’t feel scared at all. So to recap, I am scared TRing trad routes, but not sport routes. It makes just about no sense at all, and is a frustrating thing to deal with. Anyways, I messed up a sequence, took a hang then finished it in style. Really cool, super thin slabby section at the top.
A trip back to the car to get my sports shoes and we hit another sport route, a 5.9 this time. Nigel did a great job on lead, through a pretty thin traverse, and some awesome moves off crimpers. I sent it clean on TR. But I must admit, I didn’t really feel like leading it. The 5.6 next to it went down quickly on TR as well, and I was starting to feel a more comfortable. But I will say this. Joshua Tree grades are stout.
Hustled back to camp and racked up to go get my first lead. The Bong, a 5.4 crack on the Blob formation right behind the campground. We ran up the slabs to the base of the route, and I racked up. Before I had too much time to think about it, I jumped on it. And cruised it. It is 5.4 and feels like 5.4. 3 pieces of gear was all I put in as well. Nigel felt one was mank, so I guess that left 2. Then it is the interesting and exposed down climb. Sandbagged 3rd class for sure. With an awkward chimney at the end. But I floated down. And I felt alive. It was a great feeling.
So we went to the Joshua Tree Saloon for burgers and I got drunk on cheap whiskey. A day of nursing a hangover, and I am ready to lead some more stuff today. Just waiting for Nigel to pick me up.
I feel a 5.5 lead in my future…
Don’t know what happened, but a few days ago I went out with Nigel and Connor to do some climbing. We went to Hemingway and Nigel got on a route called Dung Fu. I think it is rated 5.7.
After a bit of a cold wait in the shade, I got on to follow. Trailing a rope for Connor. The first part was easy enough, but for some reason I was not having fun. Then my foot got stuck in a crack and I had to work pretty hard to get it out. Then there was a steep, tight chimney. And I struggled, and wriggled, and flailed, and sent. But I wasn’t happy. In the end the route gave me no joy. And I have sent much worse and been happy about it.
We abandoned the shade and went to climb something in the sun behind the Hidden Valley Campground. The choice was made (not by me) to get on a route called Hobbit Roof. A 10d slab part followed by a 10a roof crack. Connor took one fall on the slab, then sent the route. Nigel sent it first go. Then it was my turn on TR.
I was trying to work the slab, but something inside me made me give up before I even touched the rock. And I just let go. Two or three times. Then I said fuck it, I’ll just try the roof crack. But the same happened up there. I tried to pull, but could not muster the resolve to give it my all, and I gave up without even giving it a good try.
Depressed. Confused. This is what I am here to do. Why am I not loving the challenge of a hard route on awesome rock in the coolest desert, in perfect conditions? I could not tell.
So I called it and went back to camp. Read for a while until it got dark, then I climbed a boulder (a walk up) and sat on top of it looking at the sunset, the desert, the shapes and eventually the stars. Wondering what to do. Wondering what had happened. Wondering what had changed.
There were no easy answers. And my first impulse was to pack up and go home. If I’m not loving this, I might as well head home. But I mulled it over, and over, and over again. And it dawned on me that I needed a vacation from my vacation. Some time of solitude. Because I am a solitary man at heart, and people take energy. And I have been surrounded by people for months now. The cure, a couple of nights, alone, in a motel room, to reset and regain the “people energy” and the climbing stoke.
Nigel drove me to get some supplies and dropped me off at the High Desert Motel, where some famous guy died back in the day. And now I sit here in the morning after 2 days of absolute solitude and isolation. Looking forward to going back to camp. Seeing people again, and most important of all, my elbows seem fine and I want to climb something. That feels pretty damn good.
Now we’ll see if I was right, or if it is something else. Maybe try some bouldering today, that would be a good test of my climbing stoke…
Paul